Thursday, January 8, 2009

Make That Money

One of the original smut peddlers Mr. Larry Flynt of Hustler magazine and one of his kings in waiting, Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, are taking a stand. They have written a letter to congress requesting a $5 billion..yes billion..federal bailout for the porn industry. They both feel that the economic crisis America is in, has decreased our libidos and left us well..soft.

In a statement put out by Flynt, he said "With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind," Adding, "People were "too depressed to be sexually active", which was "very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such, but they cannot do without sex." He said the only way Congress could "rejuvenate" America's sexual appetite was "by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

Joe tells E! News "The government is handing out money," "They're moving toward a nationalized economy, and Larry and I felt we might as well be a part of it."

So now, as Americans, we must take a stand. Forget all those people losing their homes or cars, being let go from their jobs, not being able to take care of their families. Can you imagine the stress the porn actors are under right now? Think about their feelings. What else could that $5 billion go to, huh? Screw finding a cure for cancer or sheltering the homeless..and don't even think about feeding the starving children of the world, I secretly see them eating when no ones looking! We need porn!! WE HAVE GOT TO SAVE PORN!!! Porn actors need food too!! They spend day and night, ass over elbows, working hard, harder, harder to keep the sexually deprived completely satisfied. Who is going to pay for the spray tans? The bad multi-colored hair extensions?? The fluffers and the lubers?? Who is going to keep those people paid?? Huh? WE MUST SAVE PORN!!! Say it with me now, "WE MUST SAVE PORN!!!" *Breathe in and out* Relax. Now really, think about all they do for you. They may never win Oscars or become brain surgeons and save lives, but they do their own kind of saving. They save the real soul, the soul deep within. We must save them with this bailout. Thank you. *End scene*

Images: Wire Image, Getty Images

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