Sunday, January 25, 2009

20 Minutes To Kill

Ever since Janet's tit made an appearance at the Super Bowl halftime show back in 2004, you must legally be a senior citizen in order to perform. Last year Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers broke my heart when they were chosen to perform and this year the honor goes to Bruce Springsteen. So here's a list of 10 things you can do at your Super Bowl party instead of watching Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band perform during the halftime show:

1. Drive to the liquor store, forget what you were supposed to get, drive back home, ask some asshole and then drive back so you can be stared at by Willie the mutant swamp boy as he rings you up
2. Try to apologize with actual feeling about the clogged toilet situation
3. Take an extended "smoke" break
4. Start ranting about how Gisele Bundchen has ruined Tom Brady
5. Watch Janet's boob again on Youtube, dude that was the best performance of her career!!
6. Try to get the chili stain off of your white shirt and ask yourself "why the fuck did you wear white to begin with?!?"
7. Listen to your Uncle talk about what's wrong with your generation today and curse yourself for inviting him
8. Run on the web to Wiki to read how football is actually played
9. Accidentally walk in on a male guest masturbating (I don't know what you can do for the other 19 minutes and 22 seconds, reminisce?)
10. Come to the realization you will never have another Super Bowl party again

I've got nothing against Bruce..okay honestly, I really don't like his music and I don't understand his following, but I want to see some sex appeal during my halftime show. I want some ass shaking and crotch grabbing going on, seriously. Bring back the trashy Super Bowl halftime shows damn it!!!

Super Bowl XLIII airs on February 1st on NBC.

Image: NFL - Superbowl

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